Super Nanny

I don’t like that Super Nanny TV show. Well, a part of me loves it because the parents who appear on the show are usually out of their minds…and I take comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one with parenting issues. And in a prideful way, I figure that my kids aren’t that bad (pats self on the back).

But mostly, when I have tried to watch it, I end up turning it off because it makes me edgy. I yell at my kids enough that I don’t need to watch badly behaved children acting out on TV. The show isn’t really much of an escape and I don’t like getting up from the couch feeling worse than when I sat down.

In other news, I’ve been complaining a lot lately. Not about anyone in particular. Not to anyone in particular. Just generally complaining. Sometimes to others... often just in my head.

…and on and on it goes. All day long.

• Why are there a hundred stuffed animals STILL thrown behind the couch? Why haven’t the kids taken them upstairs?

• Why is it that if I don’t do laundry for ONE DAY I end up with 5 loads the next day. How is that possible?

• What would I give to have my kids sleep in…once in awhile?

• The side door of the house looks atrocious. When are we gonna’ get it replaced?

I’ve suddenly realized that I’m turning into an annoying Super Nanny episode. While I’m not trying to discipline other people’s kids (although there are moments…) I’ve become a real complainer. Someone that people are not gonna’ want to be around for very long if I keep it up! If I let all these negative thoughts travel from my brain to my mouth, people around me are going to change the channel.

Wow. I’m an annoying Super Nanny episode.

If you’re a friend and you’re reading this, you are either thinking, “Thank God she finally realized it!” (Jen & Becca, keep your thoughts to yourself.) Or you’re the kind of friend who is ready to post how you don’t notice that I complain much and try to make me feel better. I’m not looking to get comforting comments.

I’m just thinking about how everyone has things to complain about and nobody feels better when you throw all your complaints at others on top of what they might already be feeling. It isn’t helpful.

So… in my quest to begin to change my attitude, I searched the scriptures. The Bible has a lot to say about our thoughts and the words we say. Consider these two scriptures:

Colossians 4:6 - Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. (New Living Translation)

Philippians 2:14 - Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. (New Living Translation)

A friend of mine (Amy Calkins) once challenged us in her own blog to go an entire day without complaining. I’ve never forgotten that blog post. I’ve also never had the courage to try it. But I just might have to give it a shot. If you hear me complaining, don’t be afraid to call me on it. Really.

What if I were to change my complaints into gratitude?

• I’m so glad my kids had toys to play with during our “screen free week”.

• I’m thankful that we have lots of clothing to wear. In many homes, clean clothes are not an option.

• My kids are healthy. Even if they don’t sleep in, they are a delight.

• We own a house and have a door. We are probably wealthier than 75% of the rest of the world.

Need an attitude adjustment? Make a short list of your own complaints and try rewriting them. And then start living it.

And believe me, if you don't you'll end up on the "naughty step."

Things don't always go as planned...

No, this isn't my basement...exactly...

Oh what a day. If you’re on fb you’ve heard me griping about it already.

I didn’t go to the gym this morning. I slept in. This is ALWAYS a mistake.

When I skip the gym, I sleep beyond what I really should and when I do finally pull myself out of bed, I feel sluggish and annoyed. And I always end up running late from the get-go. That’s what this morning was like…with one additional caveat.

I told the kids they had to help me make their own lunches this morning. Michael went to the basement to grab two juice boxes and announces that the basement is flooded.

Great.

Perfect.

I love it when that happens.

Especially when I know there are 10 boxes of unopened cereal sitting in the middle of what is now Conrow Pond.

Why do these things happen? It barely even rained last night. What caused the basement to flood (again) and why on this morning when I’m already not feeling it. And why can’t we just get it taken care of so this stops happening? And why is the basement such a mess to begin with? And why did there have to be a bag of clothes that also ended up in the pond? And why is Paul already gone for work and this mess is now mine to clean up?

And that was my morning… which turned into my afternoon because sometimes it’s tough to shake a funk.

In addition to the stinky morning, for the last few days, I have been complaining about the weather. I know… shoot me now. It’s been so beautiful out and I love it. But I’m kinda’ missing the snow. I like the winder wonderland leading up to Christmas. It’s okay with me when it snows in December and January… it’s when there are storms in March and April that things get annoying.

In anticipation of Christmas, I need some sparkly white.

I haven’t felt like making Christmas cookies when it’s 60 degrees out. I haven’t pulled out my snowman dishes because there simply isn’t snow. It doesn’t feel like Christmas. This isn’t how I planned it.

Kinda’ like how this isn’t how I planned my morning to go either.

And then I thought of Mary, giving birth in a stable. That wasn’t exactly how she planned it. I’m guessing that when she had to travel to Bethlehem nine months pregnant, she wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea.

And when she arrived there and found out that Joseph didn’t make a reservation at a hotel, she probably had choice words for him, too.

We think that she was serene and calm and humble… but really, she was human.

When she found out she would be staying in a stable, I think there’s a good chance she did some boo-hoo crying. I think she sat there looking at the innkeeper thinking, “This wasn’t how I planned it. In fact, I didn’t even ask for this birth. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Joseph and I were supposed to be married. We were supposed to have this baby at a time that was convenient for us. We were supposed to have a HOTEL ROOM.”

I know I’m probably guilty of heresy for saying that. But the Angel words were simply, “Do not be afraid, Mary. God is very pleased with you. You will become pregnant and give birth to a son. You must name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High God…” He never said anything about hay…and cows…and traveling on a donkey at 9 months! Ugh. The thought of it. And to think that I was complaining about putting sheets on my kids beds at 6 months pregnant!

 Things didn’t go as Mary might have planned them.

It seems like this year, for a lot of us, things didn’t go as planned. Things aren’t unfolding as they were “supposed to”. We have lost loved ones…lost jobs…and at times, lost our faith in God and in each other. Christmas may not feel like Christmas right now…not just because we are missing the snow…but because things aren’t how we planned them.

Mary had to trust and know that even if this wasn’t her plan, that something good would come out of it. And even though my morning has been one huge funk, I am going to believe that it isn’t too late for something good to come from it, either.

If you’re going through a tough time right now… and I know some of you truly are… I pray that you can find a way to see Jesus this season. He came to earth because He loves us. He loves you.  He loves YOU. He knows your pain and your hurt and your disappointment… and he wants to carry you though it this season.

So throw your arms around someone you love. Find a way to bring joy to someone else’s life. Ask God to show you the good in what seems like hopelessness and know that it’s okay to feel joy in the darkness. It’s Christmas, people! Even if there is no snow…and the basement is flooded.

Happy birthday to YOU!

One hour from now is my 35^th birthday. The past several days I’ve been thinking that every blogger needs a good birthday blog. But I don’t know what to share or what funny story would be worthy of a birthday edition of Greenlizard.

I thought about how turning 35 means that on surveys and forms, I’m falling into a new and older age bracket. Yeah, that’s fun.

I also thought about how, when I go to the gym, not only do I now have to program the machine with one more year added to my age, but being 6 months pregnant, I also have to hit the + button for about five minutes to get it adjusted up to my appropriate weight. These two factors combined make for a really sunny start to my mornings for the next few months!

But as I thought about these things, I came to the conclusion that I don’t really mind being another year older. (And, truth be told, I don’t mind being pregnant and gaining weight so long as I don’t break the treadmill!)

So I began to think about my goals for this year…and what I hope to accomplish and who I hope to become this year. Quite frankly, with four children and a 5^th on the way, I don’t really have time for goals. I’m not a goal oriented person anyhow. I’m a doer. Just give me a job and I’ll do it but don’t ask me to think too hard about the big picture.  So I couldn’t write about that, either.

As I struggle to come up with something to write about… and as I ponder the dawn of another birthday, I thought about my mother and since I wouldn’t be here writing without her bringing me into this world, what could be more fitting than to write about her?! A tribute to the one woman who intimately shares my “birth day”. (SURPRISE MOM!!!)

For those who have been blessed with an amazing mother, you know how valuable it is to have a friend you can trust and a woman in your life who you know will always be there for you. My mother is one of those amazing women. She humbly serves her family and friends, but does it so quietly that you might not ever notice. She never complains and she is always looking for the best in any situation. She is, without a doubt, a woman to be admired, emulated, and treasured.

I've decided to highlight just a few of the many lessons mom has taught me over the years:

Independence

Growing up, I used to make cookies with my cousins every weekend. Always chocolate chip (is there really any other kind of cookie worth eating?) Mom wasn’t involved at all. She gave us freedom in the kitchen to bake to our hearts content. And we did. She didn’t hover over us and show us how to measure and what to do.

Samantha sometimes bakes cookies at our house… and I now realize how much patience it requires to let your kids be independent. Kids make A MESS in the kitchen. And they don’t seem to know how to clean it up. All I recall is mom letting us bake… and never getting angry. And probably doing all the clean up because I don’t recall ever doing that, either!

How to Listen

I might have been in high school… I don’t know. I was older but not married or anything. I so clearly recall sitting at the kitchen table talking to my mom. I was going on and on about who knows what. I only know that I talked a long time about, essentially, nothing. And she sat there listening to me. As I blathered on, it hit me, “My mom is sitting here listening to me and this must be SO BORING for her…but she is here. Listening.” It meant a lot to me in that moment… even if she was figuring out a grocery list in her head, she never showed it!

The other day, Samantha was at the kitchen table while I was making lunches. She had a book - 101 Hamburger Jokes - and she proceeded to read me joke after joke until I was ready to shoot myself in the head. (How many versions of a joke about hamburgers could possibly be funny enough for a whole book?!) And then I thought of my mother. And I listened and feigned laughter. And let her go anther two jokes before I told her to get dressed for the day.

Service

Where do I begin to describe mom’s service?! She doesn’t quit and she never complains. From a very young age, I can recall her volunteering for the local crisis pregnancy hotline and taking calls at our house from women in crisis. And she was always the mom bringing in goodies for the teachers and staff at our school. She regularly met with younger women and mentored them. And as her parents aged, she cared for them until the end. Even now, she drives friends to the hospital for cancer treatments and takes meals to those who need them. And all of this is ON TOP OF the countless hours she gives to her children and grandchildren.

I love my mom. I hope to be like her some day. I’m not there yet. Sure, I help out where I can but I can’t say I always do it without complaining. Her example of service is one I am trying to grow into.

Faith

Mom made sure we knew who Jesus was. She lived it. So many mornings when we were watching

Sesame Street

in the living room, she sat at the kitchen table with her Bible open, her brown/white speckled sweater on, and the blue speckled mug with a white rim filled with coffee next to her. When my sister and I were homeschooled, we woke up every morning and read a chapter of the book of Proverbs with mom, picking out a verse that “meant something to us”. And then there was the summer that she hosted an entire Vacation Bible School program for the church AT OUR HOUSE because it was important to her and she wanted to reach out to the neighborhood. Her love for God and others knows no bounds.

At this stage of my life, it amazes me the depth of her love for Christ and the way she prioritized what was important. I struggle to read a verse of the Bible to my kids in the morning… mom never failed.

Simple Pleasures

Growing up, mom was always up for a drive to get an ice cream cone and at baseball games, or festivals, nothing beat fried dough. But the simplest of pleasures that mom passed on to me was her love of coffee. Of the four kids in the family, it’s safe to say I’m the biggest coffee drinker. Well, maybe not the biggest (Becca rivals me at this point!) but I’ve definitely enjoyed coffee the longest! Mom and I would have coffee together at night from the time I was about 11 years old! I’m grateful for her love of simple pleasures!

I guess that’s why I don’t really mind when my own kids ask for a cup of coffee. It didn’t stunt my growth. It didn’t keep me up late at night. But it did give me an appreciation for the simple things in life… like spending time together… whether drinking coffee or getting an ice cream.

In Conclusion

This blog is not doing my mom justice.

I could go on and on. Even what I have written so far seems to lack so much. Let me just say that she is an amazing person. I’m so grateful to her for so many reasons. And I hope that someday I might be just a sliver of the person she is today.

Proverbs 31 sums up my mother. It really does. In describing a woman with great character it says: “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Thank you mom for who you are. Thank you for your example. Thank you for your love. And thank you for giving me life. Happy 35^th anni-birth-day – to YOU!

Gratitude

Right now, I am grateful. I have a quiet moment all to myself and I'm grateful.

 

This week, my kids and I have been talking about gratefulness in the morning as we eat breakfast. We have these little cards from church that go along with what they are doing in Sunday School and apparently, this month must be gratefulness. Seems appropriate for November when everyone on Facebook is posting things they are thankful for.

 

Anyhow, one of the suggested activities for this month was to make a gratefulness box. We were instructed to decorate the box and fill it with little slips of paper listing some of the things we are grateful for. We still have to make the box but I wrote some of our ideas... hoping that the box will get made soon. I think we'll try to fill the box and read through the items over Thanksgiving weekend.

 

A sampling of some of the things the kids are grateful for:

• family & friends
• a brain (Samantha)
• Papa – because he plays with us a lot
• holidays like Christmas because we get to see our family (Michael)
• Jesus
• school
• Eli, Lucy, Aivlyn, Aunt Jen, & Uncle Jeremy (Jessica)
• food
• PBS Kids
• Michael at school (Amanda – I don't really know what this meant... I think maybe she is grateful when Michael GOES to school.)

Another suggested activity was to pick your favorite day ever – a special day that you have experienced and draw a cartoon about all of the different things you did that day...and put it in the box. We went around the table sharing what our favorite day would be if we had time to draw it out (which, of course we didn't have because we never really have time to do anything but eat in the morning.)

 

What struck me was what Samantha said. Of all the days she could have picked, she shared about a day this summer that she and Paul took a bike ride – just the two of them – to Netsins Ice Cream and bought a colossal six-scoop sundae and shared it. It was a day that seemed insignificant to me but it really meant something to her. Never underestimate the importance of one-on-one time with your kids! I know I really need to work on that.

As I appreciate this quiet moment, I think I could fill up our gratefulness box with a list of my own. Life isn't perfect, but it sure is good. And I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm thankful for things like: my washer & dryer, delicious food, coffee in the morning, kids that love to be tickled, a husband who reminds me of my worth, forgiveness, friendship, sunny fall days, and a contented heart.

 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

 

I hope you have a wealth of blessings in your life today – no matter what the circumstance. And that you find your box is overflowing gratitude.

Why hiding just won't work...

On Wednesday mornings, I go to Community Bible Study (CBS) on the East side of the city. I usually love being there.

But not this morning.

On this particular morning, I was sitting in a room of 150+ people when a woman interrupts the meeting and announces, “I’m looking for Liz Conrow.” As I glance in her direction, I notice that my child is on this woman’s hip.

My brain begins to process what is happening and within a matter of .01 seconds I realize that I am probably not being searched out to be recognized for my great mothering skills. I am pretty sure they didn’t bring Amanda into this meeting to publicly recognize me for the wonderful job I am doing raising this little cherub.

And immediately, I want to crawl under my chair. I knew right away that my child either barfed all over some other kid…or bit them. Either way, it couldn’t be good.

The woman leading the meeting announces, “Liz Conrow, are you here?!” Around the room, heads begin to look left and right for this mystery mom.

I slip my hand up, quickly gather my things, and try to discreetly sneak out of the room. As if that were possible.

Humbling. That’s all I can say.

As I was fixing dinner a short time ago and thinking through this scenario, I began wonder “What does it mean?” There has to be a spiritual meaning in this somewhere. Now, I don’t over-spiritualize everything in life but this was too odd to let go. And it bothered me. In all my years of going to Community Bible Study, I had never seen a mother get called out like that. So why me?!

I began to think about how sometimes, God calls out our name just like that woman called out mine. We might be sitting in a room full of people and we know God is speaking to us. Maybe He wants us to do something…or maybe He wants us to be somewhere or maybe He simply wants our heart. And we can choose to respond or we can try to crawl under our chair.

This reminded me of good old Jonah. I love Jonah. I can relate to Jonah. God called his name and he chose to crawl under his chair. And he ended up in the belly of a whale until he decided to respond to God’s voice and obey. I get that.

I was reminded that we can ignore His voice or we can respond to Him. The choice is ours. But if we choose to crawl under our chair, that hiding place won’t last long. If I had attempted that this morning, not only would I have looked silly but I would have been discovered. It’s hard to hide in a room of that size. Especially when people know your name. And when you are surrounded by friends who are looking at you and wondering why you are under your chair.

So, if God is calling your name today - about anything - pause a moment and ask Him what it is He wants from you. Putting it off won’t make it go away. While it may seem awful at first (like getting up out of your seat in a room full of 150 people), chances are, things aren’t as bad as you may think.

So, what happened with Amanda?! I swallowed my pride and slipped out of the room, waving goodbye to the crowd like I was in a parade. I couldn’t help but wonder what everyone around me was thinking as I made my exit. I went to my daughter and took her in my arms. I found out that she had an “accident”. Well, a little more than an accident. Apparently she had the big D - ewww… I know. But things could have been a lot worse. I could handle this. I got Jessica out of her class early and we went home.

It was a teachable moment for me today. And I’m sometimes grateful for those moments…even in the midst of humiliation.

Shiny Nickel

 

A friend of mine gave birth to twins a few months ago. They have to be among the cutest girls I have ever seen! There is something about seeing two adorable babies that you can’t help but see a miracle in the process of childbirth. And those two sweet girls really are a miracle. Born just short of 29 weeks after a tumultuous pregnancy, they are healthy three month olds who are growing like weeds!

The other day, my friend commented that the girls have started to smile and how much fun it is to see their happy expressions.

I was thinking about that today. For any new mother who lacks sleep and is in a constant state of exhaustion, it can mean the world to see your baby (or babies!) smile for the first time. I know that when I first saw those newborn smiles in my own children, I began to think, “Hey, you really like me, don’t you?!” and “Maybe all of this waking in the middle of the night is worth something!”

As a mother, I still live for those moments sometimes. I don’t care how old your child is… it still warms the heart when your child decides to smile at you.

We sometimes motivate Jessica (she’s 4) to do things by promising her a “shiny nickel”. Not just any nickel, mind you, a shiny one. It makes all the difference! So it isn’t uncommon, in our house, to hear us telling one of the kids, “If you put all the books on the bookshelf, I’ll give you a shiny nickel!” Or giving them some other menial task that we are too lazy to want to do ourselves.  Sometimes this works… other times, not so much.

Last night I bought a rotisserie chicken from Wegmans for dinner. I sliced it up, threw a bag of frozen vegetables in the microwave and put out the pre-sliced Wegmans dinner bread and voila dinner was served. Love nights like that. And the chicken was delicious even though I had no hand in preparing it. Michael asked for seconds of the chicken which almost never happens so I knew it was a good night for him, too. When dinner was over, he left the table and came back a moment later. He says to me, “Here mom, a shiny nickel because dinner was so good tonight!”

Truth be told, he actually gave me a dime. I’m interpreting that to mean that dinner was worth TWO shiny nickels rather than to believe my 7 year old doesn’t know his coins yet. And I’m choosing to believe that if I had cooked that rotisserie chicken myself, it would have tasted just as good.

Okay so what’s the point of telling you about my friends twin girls and my son’s thanking me for a delicious meal I didn’t prepare?! No matter what form it comes in - a smile from a newborn, or a shiny nickel from a child, a grateful heart is welcome and heartwarming. And we don’t hear the thanks often enough.

I’m on that kick again. I’m here to tell you that your efforts are appreciated! Even if the best you can do today is to give your kids cereal with milk for dinner, you are doing amazing things! We aren’t all called to be Martha Stewart even though we sometimes measure ourselves by that standard (and come up miserably short). Whatever you are doing today, it’s amazing work. The house may be a mess, the laundry may not be done but you are a phenomenal woman who deserves to be recognized for what you ARE doing each and every day.

Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness;  he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.”

The passage says that God will save us... and sometimes, that is just what I need:

·         “Save me from this mess!”

·         “Save me from kids crying and complaining!”

·         “Save me from having to scrub another toilet!”

But more often than not, what I really need to hear is simply that someone is pleased with what little I have done!

So even if your kids never say thank you for packing their lunch each day… or if nobody seems to notice how a hot dinner made it to the table tonight… or if your hubby doesn’t realize you spent the day cleaning out the fridge, God cares. He REJOICES over you and what you are doing today. He celebrates you with LOUD SINGING. I pray that you can hear His song today. And know you are making a difference, one little life at a time.

When God Spoke to Me in the Shoe Department...

I would love to say that God spoke to me in the shoe department and said “BUY THOSE SHOES!” but that isn’t exactly what happened.

I wasn’t going to share this little story but it has been on my mind for the last few days and I just can’t shake it. So I’ll share it…hoping it’s meant for someone else to hear.

I went to Target with Samantha a few weeks ago. Nothing unusual there…except that I had to go to the Chili Target on this particular morning. I don’t think I have ever been to the Chili Target. I’m an eastside girl. I go to Irondequoit, Marketplace or Webster…but never Chili.

But they had uniform pants I needed for Samantha for school… so off we went. As usual, I had a return to do first so Sam perused the dollar bins while waiting. We trotted to the girls department and found the pants. And then it was off to the dressing room just to make sure they fit right.

After successfully trying on the pants, we were walking toward the shoe department when she stops mid-stride and says, “My wallet! I don’t have it!” Arrrggggghhhhh!!!

I sent her back to the dressing room to look around and she came back looking distraught. I walked back with her to give a second look around. Of course there was no wallet.

Me: Are you sure you brought it into the store?

Sam: I think so!

Me: I knew you should have left it in the car! Let’s go to the service desk and report it. What was in it?

Sam: Um… $8.

Me (thinking to myself): Okay it’s only $8 and if we don’t find it, it will be OK. But this is annoying.

The woman at the service desk asked for my phone number so she could call if the wallet got turned in. I gave her our home phone number. And then I thought, “Why didn’t I give her my cell number? Ah well…” As I’m talking to the service desk employee, Sam checked the dollar bins to make sure she didn’t set it down somewhere.

We re-trace our steps through the girls department and decide to check the dressing room one more time. Between the girls department and the dressing room are the shoes. I decided to glance at the shoes while we made our way to the dressing room. While walking through shoe department I hear THE VOICE.

The voice: “You should pray.”

Me: “Yeah, I probably should pray and it would be a good example to Samantha but I’m frustrated and annoyed and I’m not gonna’ ask God for help finding the wallet of an 8 year old girl. And we’re standing in the shoe department!”

We pressed on to the dressing rooms. I spoke with the attendant and asked her to keep an eye out for it.

We purchased the pants and headed to the car, holding out hope that maybe the wallet would be sitting on her seat or something. Of course, as we got to the car, the wallet wasn’t there. I was trying (rather unsuccessfully) to contain my frustration about this. Since we are never in Chili, I’m thinking, “Oh great… if they find it I’m gonna’ have to truck back out here for it!”

Before pulling out of the parking lot, I decide I better call Paul.

Before pulling out my phone to call home, I utter a prayer in desperation, “Lord, where IS that wallet? I know you know where it is… Please help us find it!”

And then I reach into my pocket to pull out my phone. My phone is almost always in my front right pants pocket. But this time, the phone is not there… Samantha’s wallet is. It had been in my pocket the WHOLE time. I sit there humbled, once again.

I ponder this feeling humiliated and ashamed. I know God told me to pray in the shoe department and I ignored him. I’m fairly certain that if I had asked for God’s help 20 minutes earlier, when I was in the shoe department, we would have found the wallet that much more quickly and our shopping trip would have been so much more fun. I apologized to Samantha for being angry with her, and I asked God to forgive me for ignoring His voice.

The wallet just seemed too small to talk to God about… and I was so angry. 

Maybe you need to hear this today, I don't know... but whatever you need to ask God for, do it. Don’t put it off. Don’t think you can handle it on your own. Pray. Today. Now. Give it to him and even if you don’t get the answer you want immediately, you will have a sense of peace that the Creator of the Universe is watching over your needs and cares about you.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.

Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Then you will experience God’s peace,which exceeds anything we can understand."

Philippians 4:6-7