Small Statement, Big Impact



I'll save you the trouble of asking... No, this isn't me!

While putting on earrings this morning (an unusual event in and of itself) I had a flashback to when I was about 12 years old and going to get my ears pierced for the very first time. Though I haven’t thought about it in awhile, I can recall it like it was yesterday. I was so excited and felt so grown up.

As the woman was piercing my ears, she made a statement that I have never forgotten…and it has been over 22 years since that day. She said, “Your earlobes will be able to support large earrings some day.” It was an odd comment but this was the 80’s and everyone was wearing big things - big hair, big leg warmers, big earrings. Her comment was a compliment but I remember it so well because all I could think was, “I have big earlobes?” I had never thought about my earlobes. I was 12 for heaven’s sake! And to this day, there are fleeting moments where I wonder if my earlobes are too big and that’s why she made the comment.

Anyhow, as I finished getting dressed this morning, that thought lingered with me and I began to think about other statements that have been made to me – statements that have stuck with me through the years. Some have been positive…others, not so much.

The next thought I had was being in the pediatrician’s office as a young girl. The memory is so vivid. The doctor was talking more to my mom than to me (although I was sitting right there wearing a white paper “gown”) when he said, “She isn’t heavy, she is big boned”. I heard what he said but the words that registered in my mind were: “Big boned? I’m fat?” I have hated that phrase ever since. At times, I have used it as an excuse for carrying around extra weight and other times, I have used it to have a pity party when weight loss wasn’t going so well.

My thoughts this morning weren’t all negative, though.

I thought about when I was a young college student. I was involved in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, a campus club, and we were planning a special event. The speaker, Mike Hernberg, needed some details taken care of. Helping him was no problem, in fact it was my job at the time, and I didn’t really expect anything from him for it. But he paid me a compliment worth more than I could have ever asked for. He said, “You’re a ‘can-do’ person, and I appreciate it!” Those words echo in my mind, even now, when I have a big task to undertake. I remind myself of those words, “I’m a can-do person! I can do this!” His few words let me know he had confidence in my abilities.

And I’ll never forget when my grandfather was in the hospital and dying. I was a senior in college. My mom, my sister and I had spent the night in his hospital room. He was struggling to talk but I can see his gentle eyes as he pointed to himself and then to me and then back at himself. In what was barely a whisper, he said, “I love you… and you love me.” and he smiled. And I cried. Those words still bring tears to my eyes.

Four simple phrases.

“Your earlobes will be able to support large earrings some day.”

“She isn’t heavy, she is big boned.”

“You’re a can-do person.”

“I love you…and you love me.”

None of these phrases were said in the hopes that they would stick with me forever. But they have.

Statements made in the ordinary everyday living. We make statements like these all the time. We just never know who is really listening and whose hearts we are impacting for better or worse.

As a mother, these thoughts have made me tremble as I have considered what things I have said that made my children feel ashamed or embarrassed or cut down. God forgive me for any darts my words have thrown at others, and especially my kids!

The Bible has a lot to say about the words we speak. Consider this sampling:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Proverbs 18:21

“Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim.” Proverbs 15:4

“But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.” Matthew 12:36

What words have been casually spoken to you?

You’re a great organizer. You’re so funny! You have no sense of humor. You laugh too loudly. You take things too seriously. You never stay focused long enough to get anything done. You can cook better than Julia Child. You are so impatient!

We all have phrases like these that ring in our ears from time to time. If you’re like me, there are lots of ‘em. Let God free you from what tears you down and receive life from the statements that build you up.

It’s kinda’ funny… the ear piercing woman would think I was nuts for remembering her phrase. The doctor would probably have taken back his words had he known how much his words would sting. Mike was just being a nice guy and finding a way to say thank you. And Grandpa… was just being grandpa.

I pray that the casual, everyday words you speak today would bring life to those around you. You never know who is listening and how you will be remembered!