Aunt Helen

(This was written yesterday...just didn't get to post it until today.)



I’m feeling invigorated today. I’m not sure if it’s because I worked out this morning and then proceeded to take a 2+ mile walk pulling over 50 lbs of small children in a little red wagon… or because I’m just feeling grateful.

Either way, I’m happy.

Oddly enough, I have wanted to blog about sadness lately. It’s everywhere. It’s for real. The pain is deep and not temporary. And I feel like I’m in the middle of it…wondering how I’m supposed to respond and be helpful and not an annoyance. The sadness isn’t really mine, per se, but I’m surrounded by it and it affects me.

I don’t know how to express this thought without sounding silly…but I wonder if the sadness all around is because I’m getting older. I feel kinda’ like Jessica who, at the ripe old age of 3 will say, “When I was little I liked Elmo. But not anymore” Many people would tell me that I’m not old yet. And that at 34½, I have a lot of living to do…but life seems more “serious” these days. I’m getting old.

That thought, alone, is depressing.

Anyhow, despite the sadness and despair (and I’m talking about more than just my age here!), I’m feeling grateful today.

My morning was wide open for possibility and I wondered what I should do with my “free” time. I said a prayer asking God if there was anything He needed me to do. Not hearing a “voice from the clouds”, I decided to take a walk with my little girls and visit my Great Aunt Helen. I’ve never visited Aunt Helen at her house so this would most certainly be a surprise visit!

She greeted us in a pink floral house dress that looked like it was taken straight out of a magazine from the 1950’s. She reminded me of what my grandmother would have looked like if I had stopped over unannounced at any point. She greeted us with a smile and invited us in, making no mention of the fact that she wasn’t expecting us. The girls and I went in for 20 minutes or so and had some cookies before we had to make the trek back home.

I think visiting Aunt Helen made me feel grateful because in some small way, that visit made a difference in the world – both hers and mine.

Grief is for real. Pain is for real. Anxiety is for real. Everyone experiences it at some point…some with more intensity than others. And I’m not exactly sure what the tie in is to my feeling grateful this morning except to say that exercising and taking time out for others is a way to lift your spirits and take your focus off of the “tough stuff” of life.

Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” So if you need joy today, find some way to bring joy to others. It may take time for the joy to come back to you but rest assured, it will.

I really had a great day today. I think I may try to visit Aunt Helen more often. But maybe I’ll call first!

Thank you, Lenore!



Samantha & Michael - First Day of School

My kids have started walking themselves to and from school. It’s been an incredible, scary, wonderful experience…for them as much as for me.

We have talked about it for awhile. Samantha, in particular, has been keen on the idea. I think our family must look like a freak show at times. Often, when we pick up Paul from work, Sam will ask to get dropped off a block or two from home so she can walk the rest of the way. So we pull over, she and Michael climb out of the car and start walking, and we drive off leaving our kids on the sidewalk.

Slowly, they have been stretching their wings of independence.

Friday was the first day they walked home alone from school. As the time ticked by, I sat on the porch waiting for them to arrive and wondering what was taking so long…but not so nervous as to jump in the car and go find them. They arrived moments later, full of joy!

Yesterday, Monday, they walked home again. This time, the Vice Principal (VP) of the school (who I’m good friends with) texted me to ask if they were really walking home alone. I could tell from her text that she didn't think it was a good idea...though she didn't say as much. I let her know that yes, they were free to walk home. There was a crossing guard for them and they love walking. She asked me (twice!) to text her to let her know they got home safely. I know she was concerned for my kids and I appreciated that, but for a moment, I had to wonder who the parent was! I had to check in with the VP to let her know my kids arrived home safely to me?

I read a book called Free Range Kids: Giving Our Kids the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts With Worry by Lenore Skenazy. Her book is a bit um…controversial? To some, I suppose, it is...but I loved it! It really jived with me and made so much sense. I have to wonder if I don’t owe Lenore a great deal of credit for the courage her book gave me to let my kids walk home from school without me. I definitely recommend the book.

Anyhow, I want my kids to grow up knowing their neighbors. I want my kids to learn how to get to and from our home. I want them to be independent and confident. I want my kids to know that I trust them.

But I know a lot of people (like the VP) would disagree with the fact that I let my 8 & 6 ½ year old walk home together…alone.

When the kids arrived home from school yesterday (after I texted the VP back to let them know that yes, they arrived!) they were overjoyed to have walked most of the way home with a 6^th grade friend from school that is a school safety, and they met a new friend from school that they didn’t know lived in our neighborhood! They were so proud of themselves and so was I.

As I tucked the kids into bed I wondered if letting them walk really was a good idea (the VP’s text was still fresh in my mind).  I decided to ask the kids what they liked about walking home without me. With a big smile on his face Michael said “meeting that new boy from the neighborhood.” And when I asked Samantha, she paused a moment and said, “I feel free. I don’t have to wait for the whole family to catch up to me when I get to a street crossing. Michael and I can go at our own pace.” WOAH. That was profound. I decided that I definitely would let them walk to school in the morning. Michael was absolutely overjoyed, as was Samantha.

While I’m adjusting to this new freedom for my kids, I will admit that it isn’t “easy” to let them walk out the door in the morning without me but I know it’s the right thing for them and for me. I am learning to continually put my children in God’s hands, knowing that He will watch over them as they go about their day. I know they’re still young but this practice of trusting God is definitely going to continue for the rest of their lives so I may as well get used to it!

As I pondered this idea of giving God control and trusting Him to take care of my kids, it got me to wondering how others deal with trusting God with their children’s lives. I have a number of friends who have situations far more difficult than me letting my kids walk to school and trusting God for their safety.

In my journey of trusting God with my kids lives, I have been trying to remember that God promises us His peace. Peace beyond anything we could experience apart from Him. Consider these promises from God:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.” 1 Thessalonians 3:16

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Whatever you may be going through…whatever stresses your kids are putting you through, God promises us His peace. Knowing Jesus really makes all the difference!

So, if your daughter just got her permit and the idea of her driving stresses you out… or if you’re pregnant (with twins!) and you’re on bed rest and worried about the babies… or if your child is sick and there is nothing you can do for him… or if your son is serving in the military over in Afghanistan... or if you think your child has delayed speech and you’re concerned… or if your child is “just not right” and you’re worried… or if you’re letting your kids walk to school without you for the first time… know that your children are in God’s hands. He loves children. He really does! And He is taking care of them and watching over them every moment. What good does worry do?

I read a quote recently (and of course I can’t find it now) about how we aren’t intended to carry tomorrow’s worries today. The load is too heavy. So be free from worry today and feel the peace of Jesus deep within your heart.

I’m looking forward to my kids next walk to/from school and watching them experience the joy of freedom. And I’m learning to feel that same freedom myself as I trust God with their little lives each day!

Fun Fusion

Love is a funny thing. People are forever trying to define love, understand it, grasp it or run from it. Songs try to spell it out but nobody can quite agree. Check out this small sampling:

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me…no more. (Haddaway)

All you need is love… (The Beatles)

We did it all for the glory of love… (Peter Cetera)

I would do anything for love… (Meatloaf)

I can’t help falling in love with you... (Elvis)

Love stinks, love stinks… yeah yeah (Adam Sandler)

The other night I think I finally figured out what love is... a small version of it anyway.

Have you ever heard of Fun Fusion? If you own Fun Fusion, you know what love is. The name is an oxymoron. The kids, they love it. It keeps them busy and quiet for at least 10-15 minutes and for that reason (and that reason alone) it’s a goldmine. Other than that, it has to be one of the most annoying things on the planet.

Fun Fusion is a craft project made up of little plastic perler beads that have to be set on a mold and then ironed (fused) together to create something “fun”. Like a dolphin or a teddy bear or a butterfly.

If your kids are under the age of 3 you probably haven’t heard of Fun Fusion. You can thank me for enlightening you later.  Anyhow, if you’re a “visual” learner here’s a quick pictorial lesson for you:



An unopened, tidy box of Fun Fusion



Perler Beads... these "innocent" beads really do find their way EVERYWHERE in the house.

The base that the beads sit on until they are fused and the final product.

Anyhow, in the process of creating a Fun Fusion doohickey, the beads ultimately get spilled on the floor, lost down the heat run, or eaten by the youngest member of the family. They end up all over the house. The projects can take a good 30 minutes or more to create and when Samantha finally gets all the beads just where she wants them, Amanda will ultimately knock into it and the beads will fly all over the place… and tears follow as Samantha has to do it “all over again!”

Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

And on the off chance that someone actually finishes their project and I get it ironed before the beads get dumped, the finished, fused project gets admired for 20 seconds or so and then discarded in the toy heap never to be touched again.

Believe it or not, there is a lesson about love in all of this “complaining”.

I learned the other night that love is more than letting the kids play with Fun Fusion even though I really don’t like it.

Love is more than getting the kids to bed and then spending the next half hour ironing their projects.

True love is

1.      Letting your kids play with Fun Fusion

2.      Ironing a Fun Fusion project when you really want to sit on the couch for 30 minutes and watch your ONE SHOW OF THE WEEK.

3.      Picking up spilled perler beads that YOU knocked over trying to iron the silly things.

4.      Seeing the completed, fused Fun Fusion project discarded after giving up your free 30 minutes… but knowing you would do it again in a heartbeat.

And yes, this happened to me just last week. There were three projects that the kids finished and they asked me to iron them. I had put it off a few days already. It was Thursday and I really just wanted to watch The Office. But, being the good mom, I got out the iron and decided to get the projects off the mantle (is selfish motivation still love?) Anyhow, as I picked up the first one and brought it over to the ironing board, I knocked it. It doesn’t take much. Half of the beads spilled on to the floor. I sat there looking at the mess and it hit me. THIS IS LOVE.

The Bible would agree. Well, I can’t say there is any reference to Fun Fusion in the Bible but check out these passages:

Romans 5:8 – “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

1 John 4:9 – “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.”

John 15:13 – “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends”

Jesus came as a man. He lived on the earth and he literally gave up his own life for us. That really is love. That is sacrifice. People have a hard time getting their hands around love because so seldom do we see such extravagant love. I’m fairly certain that Jesus didn’t want to go on the cross – he said it himself. But he knew that such a great sacrifice would bring even greater joy.

My sacrifice: to give up a TV. show to iron a project for my kids. I know it doesn’t even compare. It was hardly a sacrifice… and yet, for me, though small, it was. It was done out of love. And you know what? It felt good.

My kids were thrilled to find their projects completed on Friday morning. Paul and I often say, “It’s a simple life…but a good one.” And it’s a simple love but a love worth celebrating.

And if I could find so much joy in this… the love Jesus has for us must be infinitely greater! Oh happy day!

Uncle Jack

In memory of Uncle Jack
March 11, 1917 - January 27, 2011



His name was as simple as the life he lived.

He didn’t need a lot of fanfare.

He shuffled along without a cane, eyes to the ground. When greeted, he would look up with a smile that said hello as he kept moving to the living room chair where he sat and listened. He would have shared his thoughts and would have had plenty to say if we had asked him. But we rarely ever did.

One personal effect seemed to define him: his pipe. He always had his pipe. And as kids, nothing smelled better.

His home had dust. Not the kind of dust that comes from laziness. In that regard, his home was immaculate.

It was more the dust that comes from years of living. The carpets were worn and probably chosen by his mother when he was young. They had the kind of dirt that slowly forms as one’s eyesight weakens. And yet he was ever so aware of it when you stopped to visit. He knew his hands were as tired as the carpeting. They just couldn’t clean like they used to.

There were no nick-knacks sitting around. You could count on two hands the number of pictures or pieces of artwork on display. In a mantle cupboard was a glass baby shoe. Most likely his and probably untouched for the last 90 years.

His regular sitting chair faced the television. It was a rusty orange color - worn to the frame, unkempt, and small. But it fit him nicely.

Room by room revealed a wonder of emptiness. A simple dresser and bed in each bedroom, nothing more. What others might turn into storage space, office space or closet space… he had no need for.

While he lived alone for so many years, a woman’s touch was evident in the floral wallpaper his mother selected for the dining room and master bedroom and the vanity that hadn’t moved since she was alive.

Dresser drawers were as empty as the rest of the house. Of the few things they contained, many of the items were “new” and still in their packaging but those same items were also “old”. Many of the items were gifts given to him before the invention of barcodes. They likely sat there for 25 years or more. He routinely wore his favorite pair of pants and dress shirt and had no need for what was new.

The basement held a story all its own. There was only a washing machine for laundry, no dryer had ever come into his  home. And it wasn’t that he couldn’t afford one. He, like his father before him, would wash the clothes at home and lug the heavy, wet cotton and polyester fibers up the narrow basement stairs and take them to the laundromat where he would read the paper while waiting for them to dry. Even at 93 years old.

He had next to nothing but he had everything he could ever need. And he never complained. He had a shelter over his head, a1999 Ford Mercury with fewer than thirty thousand miles, food in his cupboards, and blankets to keep him warm.

There were no skeletons in his closet - nothing in his life to be ashamed of.  While his home and his belongings seem to leave out a lot of details, that’s who he was. His life was uncomplicated. He didn’t ask for much. He never needed help. He was happy just to be a part of things.

As I think about it, his life was a living example of 1 Thessalonians 4:11 which says, “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your hands.”  He didn’t need a lot of “stuff.” He lived without any drama. He was gentle and kind until the end.

Uncle Jack, you will be missed. Your quiet, gentle presence always brought a warmth and a comfort to our family. Thank you for teaching us that we don’t really need that much to be joyful and to live a full, long life. May you rejoice in heaven with the angels today.

Small Statement, Big Impact



I'll save you the trouble of asking... No, this isn't me!

While putting on earrings this morning (an unusual event in and of itself) I had a flashback to when I was about 12 years old and going to get my ears pierced for the very first time. Though I haven’t thought about it in awhile, I can recall it like it was yesterday. I was so excited and felt so grown up.

As the woman was piercing my ears, she made a statement that I have never forgotten…and it has been over 22 years since that day. She said, “Your earlobes will be able to support large earrings some day.” It was an odd comment but this was the 80’s and everyone was wearing big things - big hair, big leg warmers, big earrings. Her comment was a compliment but I remember it so well because all I could think was, “I have big earlobes?” I had never thought about my earlobes. I was 12 for heaven’s sake! And to this day, there are fleeting moments where I wonder if my earlobes are too big and that’s why she made the comment.

Anyhow, as I finished getting dressed this morning, that thought lingered with me and I began to think about other statements that have been made to me – statements that have stuck with me through the years. Some have been positive…others, not so much.

The next thought I had was being in the pediatrician’s office as a young girl. The memory is so vivid. The doctor was talking more to my mom than to me (although I was sitting right there wearing a white paper “gown”) when he said, “She isn’t heavy, she is big boned”. I heard what he said but the words that registered in my mind were: “Big boned? I’m fat?” I have hated that phrase ever since. At times, I have used it as an excuse for carrying around extra weight and other times, I have used it to have a pity party when weight loss wasn’t going so well.

My thoughts this morning weren’t all negative, though.

I thought about when I was a young college student. I was involved in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, a campus club, and we were planning a special event. The speaker, Mike Hernberg, needed some details taken care of. Helping him was no problem, in fact it was my job at the time, and I didn’t really expect anything from him for it. But he paid me a compliment worth more than I could have ever asked for. He said, “You’re a ‘can-do’ person, and I appreciate it!” Those words echo in my mind, even now, when I have a big task to undertake. I remind myself of those words, “I’m a can-do person! I can do this!” His few words let me know he had confidence in my abilities.

And I’ll never forget when my grandfather was in the hospital and dying. I was a senior in college. My mom, my sister and I had spent the night in his hospital room. He was struggling to talk but I can see his gentle eyes as he pointed to himself and then to me and then back at himself. In what was barely a whisper, he said, “I love you… and you love me.” and he smiled. And I cried. Those words still bring tears to my eyes.

Four simple phrases.

“Your earlobes will be able to support large earrings some day.”

“She isn’t heavy, she is big boned.”

“You’re a can-do person.”

“I love you…and you love me.”

None of these phrases were said in the hopes that they would stick with me forever. But they have.

Statements made in the ordinary everyday living. We make statements like these all the time. We just never know who is really listening and whose hearts we are impacting for better or worse.

As a mother, these thoughts have made me tremble as I have considered what things I have said that made my children feel ashamed or embarrassed or cut down. God forgive me for any darts my words have thrown at others, and especially my kids!

The Bible has a lot to say about the words we speak. Consider this sampling:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Proverbs 18:21

“Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim.” Proverbs 15:4

“But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.” Matthew 12:36

What words have been casually spoken to you?

You’re a great organizer. You’re so funny! You have no sense of humor. You laugh too loudly. You take things too seriously. You never stay focused long enough to get anything done. You can cook better than Julia Child. You are so impatient!

We all have phrases like these that ring in our ears from time to time. If you’re like me, there are lots of ‘em. Let God free you from what tears you down and receive life from the statements that build you up.

It’s kinda’ funny… the ear piercing woman would think I was nuts for remembering her phrase. The doctor would probably have taken back his words had he known how much his words would sting. Mike was just being a nice guy and finding a way to say thank you. And Grandpa… was just being grandpa.

I pray that the casual, everyday words you speak today would bring life to those around you. You never know who is listening and how you will be remembered!

Happy New Year!

Today's blog was inspired by a conversation with a friend and written for the Bethel Moms Ministry newsletter. Thank you Angela Cabrera for sharing your thoughts, struggles, and general disdain for resolutions with me. You're not alone. One day we'll get all of those digital pictures printed and put into albums! But probably not this year...

It’s January… the time when everyone makes their New Year’s Resolutions.  If you’re anything like me, maybe you have already made them... and broken them.

Which resolutions did you make this year? Lose weight? Exercise more? Yell at your kids less? Pray with more passion? Clean your house more than once a year? Get a good night’s sleep every so often? Finally organize and make prints of your digital pictures?

Yes. To all of the above. Okay, those really would all be mine if I actually made resolutions… (which I don’t) and the list could go on and on beyond that.

I really like the idea of making resolutions. I like the thought of trying to improve my life and become a better person. I really do desire to be the best version of who I am and become all God created me to be. But three hours after I make resolutions, I lose the paper where I wrote them down and...you know the rest of the story.

Sometimes I wonder if we’re really supposed to make resolutions at all.  (Yes, this is the justification I sell myself to keep from feeling guilty! If you’re like me, read on. You’re gonna’ love this!)

When you think about it, resolutions make us focus on the negative aspects of who we are. We are forced to ponder the things we didn't do well. We set our minds on areas where we have fallen short and ways we feel we didn’t measure up.

How is that helpful?

I understand that sometimes it’s good to reflect and make changes. There is certainly a time and a place for that. But not at the start of a new year.  Maybe not ever.

What if, instead of focusing on the negative, we focused on the positive? What if instead of making resolutions, we pondered what it was that we did fairly well this past year? For me, it would probably be a shorter, much more manageable list!

Things I have done well: 1.

Umm… I can’t come up with anything. Ok. Deep breath. Dig deep. Try it again.

Things I have done well: 1. My kids have never truly gone hungry. (I know it’s a pathetic first item but I’ve gotta’ start somewhere… and that doesn’t mean I have made gourmet meals or never forgotten to pack a lunch here or there… but generally speaking, they have been fed.)

End of list.

No, try again. Keep at it.

Things I have done well: 1. My kids have never truly gone hungry. 2. I started writing a blog. I enjoy it and have gotten positive feedback.

Hey, I’m on a roll! Keep going!

Things I have done well: 1. My kids have never truly gone hungry. 2. I started writing a blog. 3. This is really tough to do and my list is shamefully shorter than I expected.

It’s HARD to come up with the things I have done well. It’s very telling that we don’t think about the good things, rather we focus on the bad so often! If you had to do this same list for someone else, I’m sure you could come up with a hundred things… but try to it for yourself and it’s near impossible.

In Philippians 4:8, The Message translation of the Bible says, “…you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.”

Thinking positively about yourself and your accomplishments isn’t an easy task! But it is one that will certainly encourage you to go farther, and be more of who you really are - not who you wish you could be. There ARE good things, praiseworthy things about YOU! Celebrate them this year and grow in them!

What a relief to know that I don’t have to feel badly for not making and/or keeping resolutions. My list is coming along nicely. Things I have done well: 1. My kids have never truly gone hungry. 2. I started writing a blog. 3. I no longer feel guilt over how I didn’t measure up last year.

I’ll do my best to keep adding to this list. Make sure you take a moment to come up with yours. It’s tough… but well worth it! Happy New Year!

Shepherding 101

Is your shopping done yet? Mine isn’t.

Are your cookies baked? No, mine aren’t made yet either.

Not to mention wrapping presents, visiting family, decorating the house, menu planning, making travel arrangements, and “adjusting” the Christmas tree for the millionth time. It’s no wonder the stores begin their holiday advertising in October. While it may seem obscenely early, some of us need that much time to get ready!

Not that it helps, of course, because here I am 12 days before Christmas with a lot to do.

I wish I were a shepherd. They didn’t need to do a lot to get ready.

There they were, a few shepherds in a field… They were doing what shepherds do… watching over their sheep to make sure wolves or lions didn’t eat them. Fairly dangerous and exciting but relatively uneventful on most nights I would imagine.

In the midst of this ordinary night, an angel of the Lord appears to the shepherds and tells them where the Savior can be found. Now that’s not something that happens… ever! I wonder what the shepherds thought. Did they discuss it amongst themselves before deciding what to do? Was there a tense round of “bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish” to see who drew the short straw and had to stay with the sheep? Surely it was a risk to abandon everything in the hopes of finding the Savior.

Luke 2:16 says “They hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.” They hurried. They wasted no time. I bet they didn’t even really discuss it. And I’m fairly certain they didn’t make a million preparations before they met the Savior! This was Christmas… and they made no preparations?!

Did you catch that? Can you get your mind around it?! They didn’t worry about their flocks. They didn’t have to go home and pack overnight bags. They didn’t make excuses as to why they couldn’t go. They didn’t have shopping or baking or Christmas parties to attend before they could meet the Savior. They dropped everything because they knew what was really important on that night.

I wish I were a shepherd.

Wouldn’t it be great to not have to shop…not have to bake…not have to be stressed out about what needs to be accomplished before the 25^th of December?

Don’t get me wrong. I love everything about Christmas. I love giving gifts. And I’ll be honest, I love getting them, too! And I think frosting cookies with the kids ranks right up there with an overnight get-away with Paul. (That might be pushing it just a bit!) But sometimes, these things take on a life all their own if we let them.

It isn’t really important whether or not you found the perfect present for your kids, or if your cookies are all baked or if you are dreading spending the holidays with your in-laws. What is truly important is reflecting on the real reason we make all these preparations.

I only wish it were as easy to apply as it is to say. I know that I can get overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done and I often place my priority on the preparations more than the person we are celebrating.

Luke goes on to say that upon meeting the Savior, the shepherds returned to their work glorifying and praising God for what they had heard and seen. They left the presence of this little baby with a heart full of joy. I imagine them dancing and skipping as they left the stable. Lighthearted. Free.

And isn’t that the real message of Christmas?

I think I just might have to see if there are any courses in Shepherding 101.