Shepherding 101

Is your shopping done yet? Mine isn’t.

Are your cookies baked? No, mine aren’t made yet either.

Not to mention wrapping presents, visiting family, decorating the house, menu planning, making travel arrangements, and “adjusting” the Christmas tree for the millionth time. It’s no wonder the stores begin their holiday advertising in October. While it may seem obscenely early, some of us need that much time to get ready!

Not that it helps, of course, because here I am 12 days before Christmas with a lot to do.

I wish I were a shepherd. They didn’t need to do a lot to get ready.

There they were, a few shepherds in a field… They were doing what shepherds do… watching over their sheep to make sure wolves or lions didn’t eat them. Fairly dangerous and exciting but relatively uneventful on most nights I would imagine.

In the midst of this ordinary night, an angel of the Lord appears to the shepherds and tells them where the Savior can be found. Now that’s not something that happens… ever! I wonder what the shepherds thought. Did they discuss it amongst themselves before deciding what to do? Was there a tense round of “bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish” to see who drew the short straw and had to stay with the sheep? Surely it was a risk to abandon everything in the hopes of finding the Savior.

Luke 2:16 says “They hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.” They hurried. They wasted no time. I bet they didn’t even really discuss it. And I’m fairly certain they didn’t make a million preparations before they met the Savior! This was Christmas… and they made no preparations?!

Did you catch that? Can you get your mind around it?! They didn’t worry about their flocks. They didn’t have to go home and pack overnight bags. They didn’t make excuses as to why they couldn’t go. They didn’t have shopping or baking or Christmas parties to attend before they could meet the Savior. They dropped everything because they knew what was really important on that night.

I wish I were a shepherd.

Wouldn’t it be great to not have to shop…not have to bake…not have to be stressed out about what needs to be accomplished before the 25^th of December?

Don’t get me wrong. I love everything about Christmas. I love giving gifts. And I’ll be honest, I love getting them, too! And I think frosting cookies with the kids ranks right up there with an overnight get-away with Paul. (That might be pushing it just a bit!) But sometimes, these things take on a life all their own if we let them.

It isn’t really important whether or not you found the perfect present for your kids, or if your cookies are all baked or if you are dreading spending the holidays with your in-laws. What is truly important is reflecting on the real reason we make all these preparations.

I only wish it were as easy to apply as it is to say. I know that I can get overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done and I often place my priority on the preparations more than the person we are celebrating.

Luke goes on to say that upon meeting the Savior, the shepherds returned to their work glorifying and praising God for what they had heard and seen. They left the presence of this little baby with a heart full of joy. I imagine them dancing and skipping as they left the stable. Lighthearted. Free.

And isn’t that the real message of Christmas?

I think I just might have to see if there are any courses in Shepherding 101.

Asking for the Impossible

Last Saturday, Samantha and I went shopping together. She was thrilled to be spending her own money buying presents for various family members. As we shopped, I thought about how this Christmas would be different for her in a variety of ways, the main one being the fact that she now knows the truth about Santa.  We had “the talk” a few weeks ago when she cornered me. I was relieved that she wasn’t a heartbroken weepy mess (though I was on the inside…). She handled it really well.

While we were out shopping, we couldn’t help but walk by Santa on his big Santa throne. There was nobody in line so I glanced at Samantha and said, “Do you want to go see him?” I fully expected her to say no. She looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and said, “I guess so!”

We walked toward Santa. The woman whose job it is to take pictures barely looked at us. Santa looked at Samantha and said, “Now, you look familiar!”

Really, Santa? Familiar? Is that the best you can do? You’re supposed to know every kids name and if they have been bad or good! Now, I don’t expect you to greet us with a “Hey there Samantha! How’s my favorite 7 year old?” but you could at least say something like, “How is my little sweetie doing today?” or something a bit more believable than “You look familiar!”

So the three of us are looking at each other and I prompt Samantha with “Why don’t you tell Santa what you want for Christmas?” And I realize that Samantha is looking… nervous.

She fidgets with her hands and says, “I want one of those dogs that look like they are breathing when they are lying down.” Santa responds, “Well, I’ll have to see what my elves have been working on in the toy shop and see if we have any of those this year!”

And we wandered away from Santa. He never asked her if she wanted to sit on his lap and he never even gave her a coloring book from the stack sitting next to him! I felt like we were interrupting his lunch or maybe he wasn’t Santa… just an old white haired man who was taking a rest! When we were out of earshot, Samantha says, “Mom, that was weird. I don’t even know why I did that! He didn’t even ask me to sit on his lap.” I had to laugh. She was right. It was wacky.

One of Samantha's earliest visits to Santa... even then, she wasn't impressed!

I have been thinking a lot about why Samantha even agreed to go and see Santa. She knew he wasn’t real… and yet, she had this desire deep inside to tell him what she wanted… the secrets of her heart. Perhaps she was just hoping that maybe it would make a difference. Maybe she wanted to believe that he really was real and just might get her what she was hoping for.



Of course, now I’m in a real pickle because I know she must really want this dog and I bought her an art easel... But that’s a whole other issue.



As I have pondered Samantha's strange Santa visit, it's made me think about my own life. And it makes me ask the question: What it is that you long for deep within? What is it that you wish you could ask for even if you don’t believe it could make a difference? We all have a need, desire, or secret wish that we don’t dare talk about with anyone because it’s just… too personal.

Maybe you never thought of it as a Christmas present before but if you could ask Santa for just one thing, no matter how impossible, what would it be?

For some, it might be to finally find that one person who makes your heart soar… For others it might be that the pregnancy test would finally come up positive… And I’m sure there are others who would ask for a better marriage, more financial stability, the healing of a loved one… or maybe you just want an end to the loneliness you are feeling.

I pondered what it would be for me. It took time for me to come up with what I would ask for and it was tough because it is one of those things that, like I said, we don’t talk about with others.

If I were to be really honest about my one thing, though, it would be that I would have more joy in my “job”. Maybe you can relate. No matter what job you’re in, maybe you’re not satisfied or maybe you feel like you really aren’t making a difference or maybe it just doesn’t feel “fun” anymore.

I know I’m supposed to say that being a mom is “the greatest job ever” but lately, that’s not how it feels. When I only had two kids, I loved going out places with them and doing fun things but at this point, I’m just not feeling it. And I don’t usually call up any of my friends to say, “Hey, I’m really not having fun doing this job.” You don’t either. Heaven forbid we show that we have weakness…or that we’re human. No, we put on our happy face and tell the world that everything is GREAT!

Now before you read any further let me assure you that I’m not going anywhere. My marriage is great. My kids are awesome. I’m not looking for a new job and I’m not depressed… but I wish that I had more excitement and enthusiasm for the day to day activities that seem to be so mundane. Deep within, in the areas that I don’t talk about with others, I have a need.

So, Santa, what can you do for me?

Unfortunately, he is just as likely to help me with my problems (unless he moonlights as a maid) as he is to get Samantha that dog that she wants.

What if this year, instead of burying our problems deep within or just “hoping” for a better outcome, what if we brought them to the manger… to someone who really can help?  For me, I believe that Jesus is real. He wants to hear from me, from you, from all of us. He wants to know our deep desires and bring us joy, like a father who is Christmas shopping for his kids and trying to get the very best present.

Samantha took a risk in talking to a man she didn’t believe in because she hoped that he might change her outcome. Who knows maybe it will. What about you? Maybe you don’t think that Jesus could possibly respond to your need. Maybe you think he will hear it but remain painfully silent. Even if it seems impossible, why not take some time this season to talk to the “man upstairs”?

The great thing about Jesus is that he really does know your name and won’t say, “You look familiar” when you approach him. He will listen to you, hold you, and love you despite the pain and difficult situations you bring to him. And fortunately for us, his availability extends beyond December 24^th.

As we approach Christmas, I guess that I simply want you to know that there is hope. You’re not alone. We ALL have difficult situations we are dealing with, especially at this time of year, and there is someone who cares. And if you’re honest with yourself and you find you are a place where you really do have things in your heart that you need to share with someone, don’t keep it inside! Give it to Jesus (and maybe even share it with a close friend)… and see what happens. That’s where real miracles begin.

My kids have been reminding me lately that, “Nothing is impossible with God.” And I’m so grateful. This Christmas I’m going to give it all to him. No harm in asking for it. And I know he will hear and answer. And he will for you too…

And while we’re on the topic, Jesus may choose to use YOU to be an answer to someone else’s prayers so keep your eyes wide open for opportunity!

Merry Christmas, dear friends! From my heart to yours, may this Christmas truly be one to remember… for all of us!

Hands-down, 34 is great!

Paul and I went out on a date Friday night. At the risk of looking a bit pretentious, we had a rather “artsy” evening. We went to Edibles for dinner (hooray for Salzburg Crepes!), a brief stop at an art opening at Gilded Square Framing & Gallery, and then on to a concert at Bethel Christian Fellowship for the Eastman School’s Emerging Artist Concert Series.

During one of the pieces, there were two people playing one piano (Lebenssturme for piano, four hands by F. Schubert). As I sat there listening and taking in the amazing sounds, I was struck by the hands of one of the pianists, Albert Kim.

As Albert played his part of the piece, I was amazed at how smooth and light his hands were. They floated and hovered over the keys even when the notes were incredibly intense.

And then I started to think about the irony of watching him play. Just two hours before, we were offered a free piano from a friend. Yes, we would soon be the proud owners of such a fine instrument.

And as I watched this young man play the piano with such confidence and grace, I could only fearfully consider the abuse that our new piano would take. Instead of Albert Kim on the piano, I pictured Michael… and the sounds coming from the piano suddenly weren’t quite as pleasant.

But thankfully, my thoughts didn’t stop there. I began to think about the fact that at one point, Albert Kim’s hands were just as unaccomplished as Michael’s. At one time in his life, Mr. Kim probably had to pound out “Hot Cross Buns” and he probably hit some wrong notes and was off-tempo. But Albert Kim worked hard. Albert Kim trained his hands to romance the piano and to create such glorious sounds.

And then I began to marvel at the amazing thing our hands truly are. What would we be without our hands? Our hands do so many things for us each day and we don’t even give them a thought!

I’m on the verge of turning 34 tomorrow. I really wish I could say that in my 34 years, my hands had accomplished something great. I wish I could play the piano, even modestly well. I wish I were an amazing chef who loved cooking dinners. I wish I had a talent for scrapbooking or photography, or even figuring out how to use the electronics in my house. But my hands weren’t made for any of those things.

As I have written these thoughts, I have been studying my hands. They are dry…they always are this time of year. I wash them a lot and that doesn’t help. I have three rings on my fingers…all of them from Paul. I have a horrible nail biting habit that I thought I kicked a year ago but then I relapsed.

My hands may not scream out my accomplishments but they do tell my story. They are dry from washing my hands frequently after changing diapers, wiping up children, scrubbing floors, and removing laundry stains. My hands are dry because of loving my children. My three rings tell the story of the greatest gift God has ever given me. I am honored to be Paul’s wife and to wear that love as a sign on my fingers each day. And my nail biting? That speaks to my humanity. I’m not perfect.

Every so often, with deep gratitude for all we have been given, Paul and I will look at each other and say, “It’s a simple life, but a good one.”  My love for kids is more passionate than I ever knew love could be. I am married to a man I admire and adore. And I know that while life isn’t always perfect, I really wouldn’t change a thing. I am delighted and grateful for the 34 years I have been given and I know my hands have served me well.

Hero or Villain?

There are days when I know that I haven’t been the best mom in the world. Like the day I spent too much time on Facebook ignoring my kids. Or the day I yelled all day and never praised my kids for anything they did right. Or perhaps it was the day that I ran out of the house screaming “I’m free! I’m free!” and almost didn’t come back…

And there are days when I know I have been an awesome mom. Like days when I make a hot breakfast (and for the purposes of this discussion, I won’t include Eggo waffles in that category) and homemade applesauce for dinner. Or the day I actually gave each child undivided attention for a period of time (I think that happened once!). Or the day we decided pack a lunch and eat it at the playground. Those are good days.

It is very rare when I feel like both the amazing mother… and the horrible mother all in one. Yesterday was that day and it felt strange.

My kids have been sick on and off all week. Literally on and off. Jessica was sick on Sunday. Michael stayed home from school sick on Monday, back at school Tuesday, home on Wednesday, back at school Thursday. Crazy, weird sickness.

By Thursday morning, I was ready to get out and do something fun. Something with people. Something not inside my house. For whatever reason, at 7:30 a.m. as I was getting myself ready for the day, I decided that I wanted to go out for breakfast - with all four kids. Is that crazy? Um… yeah. It would take a miracle for us to get out the door in time to get breakfast and get to school on time.

Miracles happen.

The kids were THRILLED with the idea. They had no trouble getting ready quickly. I made Michael’s lunch. I talked Samantha into buying pizza at school so that saved me a few minutes not having to make her lunch. And we were out the door by 8:10 (five minutes earlier than I had expected – GO MOM!).

We ate at The Golden Fox – a neighborhood favorite. The kids were amazingly well behaved and I think we impressed the four RTS bus drivers eating their breakfast at the next table. We finished our meal at 9 and the kids asked if there was time to play on the playground before school. Normally the answer would have come quickly and would have been a NO.  But today, I was feeling cool. I was feeling fun.  I was feeling spontaneous. And I was sitting there hearing “Sure, kids! Sounds great!” come out of my mouth. (I think being cooped up all week did some damage to the brain!)

Everyone was all smiles and I knew… today, I was my kids’ champion. And that made me "Hero Mom".

I was riding high. Until they got home from school. And I didn’t become a horrible mom all at once. And what I did wasn’t intentional… but I was certainly knocked down a few pegs rather quickly.

Since Samantha had bought her lunch (and saved me five minutes in the morning!)I asked her how the pizza was. She reported that there was no pizza and all she had to eat was the fruit cup I sent in with her, milk, and some of her friends potato chips. I was ready to rage at the school for once again failing to have enough lunches for all the kids when I realized that I had the wrong day. Pizza day is usually Friday. There was no pizza because there was no pizza. I had screwed up. My daughter almost went hungry on my account. I don’t know how I got so confused but I certainly was! (Further proof that being cooped up does damage to the brain!)

I know she didn’t starve or anything but I felt horrible picturing her there in the cafeteria with no lunch! I apologized profusely and explained my mistake… and she glared at me. I was then mentally dubbed, "Villain Mom".

And then just a few hours later I had a run in with Michael. All my fault. We sat down to spend a few minutes reading together (Hero Mom!) and he was doing something… offensive. Okay, he was picking his nose. I told him to get a Kleenex. As he walked to get it I told him that picking his nose was yucky and that if friends saw him doing it, they would think he was yucky so he really shouldn’t pick his nose. Sounds reasonable to me!

A few minutes later, instead of coming back to read, he was hiding behind a chair almost in tears and didn’t want to come out. He said in a whispered voice, “you called me yucky!” And my heart broke.

As I coaxed him out from behind the chair, he burst into tears. I hadn’t said he was yucky! I said what he was doing was yucky. But he heard that his mother, the one woman in the world who is supposed to be his safe place, the woman he thought he could trust to love him unconditionally, called him yucky. I felt terrible. We talked about it. I explained what I said. I apologized if he heard me say it any other way. And I told him that if he picked his nose all day long I would love him just as much as if he never did it again (but I’m really hoping that he just decides to stop!). I let him know that I was his biggest cheerleader and fan. I think he got it. I sure hope so.

And as I think about it, I realize that as a parent, that’s often what it’s like for all of us. We constantly walk the line of being the hero or villain – at least in our own minds. We pat ourselves on the back for things we do well and beat ourselves up for areas we wish we could change.

“Hooray! I read with my kids today!”

“Boo… I don’t think my kids ate a single fruit or veggie today.”

“Hooray! I demonstrated patience when they were slow getting their shoes on today!”
“Boo… I didn’t make anything for dinner and it’s five o’clock.”

“Hooray! I was creative today and let my kids get out paints and craft supplies!”

“Boo… I got really angry when they started painting on the walls.”

And so it goes… and one day rolls into the next as we evaluate, evaluate, evaluate every action we take. If you can relate, know that you’re not alone

This whole topic got me to thinking about The Lord’s Prayer in the Gospel of Matthew. Jesus tells us to pray, “...give us this day, our daily bread…” We aren’t supposed to constantly evaluate our actions (although we often do…).  God isn’t looking at us as either the hero or the villain. He loves us just as we are, and He wants to give us grace and peace for each day - each moment!  I know that’s what I need – just the right amount of wisdom to handle every situation the best way possible… whether I’m the hero or the villain.

And that’s my prayer for you today - that you will have your “daily bread”. That you will have peace in the moments when you’re feeling like the villain (and chances are, you’re being too hard on yourself!) and joy when you are the hero. And the wisdom to know that neither of those labels are telling of who you REALLY are!

No Soup For You!

The first day of school is always exciting and somewhat stressful. To ease the stress, my kids woke up to find beautiful “school readiness” checklists on the table, one for each of my two school-aged children.  The checklists were to help them get into the routine of what was expected in the morning before we left the house. I decorated each of their lists with their names at the top. I even went so far as to use markers and cute designs. I knew they would be excited about it. And they were… for the first day or two.

I used the checklists at the start of last year, too. A few weeks in, of course, like most things, the lists fell by the wayside because the kids lost interest. I feel like any great new idea is really only good for about a week or two when it comes to kids. I constantly have to reinvent myself and my “motivational” techniques to get them on board with what we’re doing or what I expect.

We are now 23 school days into the year and those “school readiness” checklists just aren’t working for me. I’m not exactly sure what the problem could be.

My vision: The kids would take the lists and do what is on them. It would be a magical, fairy-dust-like moment where the instructions couldn’t be clearer, and the kids couldn’t be more agreeable to doing it. We would one day film a commercial for obedience and fun wrapped up in four adorable cherubs! (Cue the cute kids trotting up the stairs with big grins on their faces, lists and pens in hand).

The reality: I am asking them ten times each morning if things are done and I am yelling by the time we have to leave the house because they had all morning and the list is still not completed! I am constantly nagging them to death to see if everything is done. Here are actual quotes from recent mornings:

“Michael, why are your pajamas on the floor AGAIN if you checked it off of your list?”

 “Samantha, your hair hasn’t been brushed and we have to leave NOW!”

“I know you didn’t brush your teeth because your toothbrush isn’t wet!” (Insert Michael’s innocent grin that says, “I almost got away with that one!”)

And in deep desperation: “I’ll give you guys a dollar at the end of the week if you can just do this without my help!”

In an attempt to save my sanity and focus the kids on getting ready for school independently, I decided to pare down the list. In addition, I lovingly gave the kids this warning: “Your list needs to be done by 8:30 or you won’t get breakfast!” Yep. I said it. And that’s not all I said. I continued, “Don’t come to me at 8:40 telling me you are done and want to eat. It will be too late. And don’t tell me you’re done with your list if your PJ’s are still on the floor! No soup for you!”

Are you horrified? I hope so. Even as I write this I have to wonder what I have become. Is it important that the kids make their beds and hang their jammies? Sure. They need to learn “life skills”. But is it more important than giving love and demonstrating patience and forgiveness? Probably not.  

Sometimes, things get in the way. Today it was the lists…and once again, I am humbled.

I think that tomorrow, when the kids go looking for their lists, I will let them know that the lists are gone. Instead, I’ll surprise them with breakfast…no strings attached. I’ll tell them that I love them, I value them, and I know they are amazing little people who don’t really need the weight of my criticism every morning. And I think they’re gonna’ like that a lot!

Best on the Block

In 2002 when Paul and I were new to the neighborhood (we had been in our house for less than a year) we happened to win the “Best on the Block” award for our home! We were thrilled but also rather confused… and we laughed about it a lot. Take a look at the photo we were presented at the ceremony (and yes, there was a ceremony!):



Best on the Block



Yep, you just looked at a picture of a “Best on the Block” winner! The front lawn was COMPLETELY brown and dried out. The blue house shingles were in desperate need of repainting. The tree was bare. The only redeeming quality (and I’m sure this must be why we won) is that we had three hanging baskets on the front porch. It was laughable. We joke that when our house was actually selected, it must have been on the one day a year that our flowering tree looks beautiful. We know we shouldn’t have won but we accepted our award gracefully and did have a "Best on the Block" sign out front for a short time...just for laughs. 

Ok. I’ll be honest. We couldn't part with the sign and it's still in the garage eight years later. 

Anyhow, when we won the award, were embarrassed because at that time, we had neighbors on either side of us that had beautiful gardens. They spent HOURS planting, watering and weeding. We did very little and we won. It’s something that we look back on and laugh about. And to this day, whenever we know the house is starting to look like an eyesore, Paul reminds me that “Hey, no worries. We’re the best on the block!”

Well we were the best on the block but this summer, we should have had that title stripped from us. It’s embarrassing, really, just how bad the front yard has looked for the last 3 months or so.

We decided during late spring that we wanted to remove the large bush in the middle of the front yard. In the picture, it’s the one to the left of the stairs. The bush had gotten huge and didn’t really “add anything” to the look of the front yard. We decided that we would plant some perennials and spruce the place up.

The problem with this idea was that we knew we wanted the bush OUT but we didn’t know what we wanted IN. One ambitious afternoon, Paul went ahead and ripped out the bush, roots and all. He got some dirt from the neighbors (yes, the neighbors who actually DO garden and should have won “Best on the Block”) and filled in the hole. He went so far as to get 5 bags of mulch and very nicely leaned the bags against the porch for when we were ready to complete the project and add that finishing touch. And that is where my story ends.

All summer long we have had a gaping hole where the bush used to be. Nothing was ever planted. The mulch bags remained in the front yard until last week when Paul moved them to the garage. I am thoroughly embarrassed to be admitting this.

Now, let’s get one thing clear: I did not like the look of my front yard all summer. I hated it. But at the same time, I never did anything about it. I was waiting for the garden fairy to come. Actually, I kinda’ half-hoped that my gardening neighbor would have gotten fed up and done something about it for us. Oh wait, she already does water the rosebushes and rhododendron in my garden that looks out over her driveway.

Honest to goodness, I haven’t touched the front yard since that bush was ripped out…until yesterday. I cleaned up the one bush that remained and gave it a much-needed haircut. And I decided to weed the patch of dirt where the bush used to be. Enormous, and I mean enormous weeds had sprung up in that filled-in dirt hole. As I weeded, I realized that in addition to the weeds, there were actual plants that had sprung up and grown completely unnoticed in the weed patch.

I kid you not, this is what I found growing and I know I did not plant these things:

Beautiful Marigold!

A tomato plant with ACTUAL grape tomatoes!

Some unknown plant with a yellow flower. If you know what it is, please tell me!

Seriously… all of this was growing there and I had no idea. A grape tomato plant with real tomatoes? I couldn’t believe it.

It got me to thinking… that my life is a lot like that garden. At times, it can seem overwhelmingly crazy and out of control and completely overrun with weeds. Being a taxi driver for four kids wasn’t exactly why I went to college. Changing diapers for 7 years is astounding when you think about it… and rather stinky! Having to vacuum the house and clean the sink and make endless meals that half the family refuses to eat can numb the brain. And if I allow it to, the weeds of negativity will take over and I’ll miss what is truly growing and producing life for me!

But when I get down on my knees and begin to examine what my weeds are (yours will be different, I’m sure!) and I start pulling them out, I am delighted by the surprises that I find there in my garden.  In place of the marigold, I find a little girl that wants me to read endless books to her. Instead of the tomato plant, I find a son who would never admit it but loves to snuggle and thrives on a gentle touch. And like the unknown flowering plant, there are mysteries in each of my children that I need to unlock and embrace and shower with love.

And it’s a lot easier to enjoy these things when I keep the weeds from growing.

So to my neighbors: I commit to taking better care of the front yard. I will plant those perennials. I will keep up with the weeding and I’ll do my best to honor the title of “Best on the Block”. (Unfortunately, my neighbors don’t read this!) And to my family, I love you! And I’ll keep the weeds of negativity from invading what matters most: my moments with you.

You Look Marvelous

Today... I'm gonna' do it. I'm going to watch a movie in the middle of the afternoon. I never do this. Not really sure why I don't. I guess my guilty conscience won't let me. In my mind, I liken it to eating bon bons all day while Paul is at work or something crazy like that.

I will be watching Facing the Giants. I borrowed it from a friend over two months ago and still haven't watched it. I'm feeling a bit guilty for hanging on to it so long. She probably wants it back.

While I would love to say that I will be curled up under a blanket with a bowl of popcorn, that is not exactly what the scene will be in my living room. I can 't just sit on the couch and do nothing. I have at least three loads of laundry to fold.

Why is it that I can't just ignore the things that need to be done? Maybe some of you are better at really "relaxing" for an afternoon but I really have a hard time doing that! My value or worth seems rather wrapped up in being able to show how much I have gotten done each day.

There are days that when Paul gets home, I bombard him as I rattle off the million things I've gotten done so that I look like Superwoman. I really build it up so I look like an over-achiever. And I usually don't ask him what his day consisted of. 

And here's the funny part. When I finish my pharisaical monologue about how great I am, I usually get annoyed with Paul for not praising me as much as I want him to. Makes you want to be married to me, eh?

So here's the bottom line: I know that my worth and value is in the wrong place if I'm striving to do everything right and perfect and BE superwoman. That is not who God has called me to be. I know that. But still, sometimes I selfishly want an artificial, heaping portion of praise even if I don't really deserve it.

So, to all of you that need to hear it today: THANK YOU! Thanks for everything you are doing to take care of your families and your friends. Every item of folded laundry is so appreciated. It was really loving when you got up and held your sick child last night. Every pepper you dice for supper is the most delicious one anyone has ever eaten. The floors have never looked so sparkly and clean. And by the way, you look beautiful today! Have you lost weight? And that sweater really brings out your eyes!

Maybe, just maybe, you needed to hear that today. I'm off to fold the laundry...and watch that movie!

Morning Snack

I had a friend recently write on her blog about being spontaneous vs. being routine (Confessions of a Writing Mama - http://lisamariemiles.blogspot.com/  - check it out!). I have thought about this for a bit (thank you, Lisa!) and as much as I would like to think of myself as spontaneous, I’m not. I’m DEFINITELY a “routine girl”.  I guess it comes from having four kids. If I didn’t have routine I would go crazy.

Our “typical” day starts out with me going to the gym at 5:25ish. I get home at 6:30, give Paul a kiss that says both hello and goodbye, and tag in as he goes out door for work. By this point in the morning (when most of you have kids still sleeping soundly in bed, I’m sure) three out of four of my kids are awake and ready to go.

Still sweaty from the gym, I grab two apples from the fridge and cut them into three bowls. (And yes, I do this just about EVERY MORNING.) If it isn’t turned on already, we put on PBS or some other kid video of their choosing. The kids sit on the couch, watch TV, and eat apples while I run upstairs to shower, make my bed, and get Amanda up. By 8 a.m. I am hollering downstairs for the three apple munchers to come up and get dressed and do their “upstairs chores”.

Monday – Friday, things are very much the same here…and I like it that way.

Today, though, I had one of those “aha moments” that breaks up the ordinary in a wonderful way. I was cutting the apples up for about the millionth time in my life. Suddenly, it hit me. You might want to sit down for this revelation: Apples have skin on them. Isn’t it shocking?

While this may seem small and insignificant, I started to think about how once an apple is cut, and the “meat” of the apple is exposed to air for a long period of time, it begins to turn brown and gross. With an uncut skin, the apple will stay fresh and tasty on the inside for a long time.

The rest of the morning, I pondered the fact that apples have skin on them. It left me with a sense of wonder that God would pay attention to details like giving skin to an apple. It’s amazing. Not in a “take out a billboard and alert the community” kind of way but in a humbling, awe of God kind of way.

Every so often, I think God tries to remind us that He loves us. And while I might miss those messages all too often, I caught it today. If God can give skin to an apple, he can take care of every detail of my life and concern of my heart. And He will do the same for you.

So, today, I’m thankful for my ordinary, mundane, Friday morning routine. I’m glad my kids like their morning snack. And tomorrow morning, I will probably cut their apples with a silly smile on my face because I know that I’m loved and that God is in control.

Joy

I have been *trying* to spend a few minutes with my kids in the morning reading a Bible verse and talking about it over breakfast. It sounds idyllic… doesn’t it? Reality check: most of the time, their minds are everywhere else and their hands are all over the place and they are arguing. Sometimes things go well. Other times, not so much. And I sometimes wonder what the value in it really is when the conversation goes something like this:

Me: Michael, LISTEN TO ME, would you? Did you hear what I just said? What did I just say? Did you hear that verse I just read? Tell me what I just said because I have been asking you to listen for the last five minutes and you have been in and out of your chair ten times. So what did I just say? (mom drones on about this for a few more minutes…)

Michael: Ummmm… I don’t know.

This conversation would really make you want to learn about God wouldn’t it? Oh the irony of it all… and it’s really fun when I’m talking to them about the importance of patience and kindness while so thoroughly frustrated. I’m just being honest here. In my defense, every so often, I think something gets through…to me anyhow. I can be thick-headed sometimes and God uses my kids to teach me that.

This week we have been talking about Galatians 5:22-23 which says, “…the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

On Monday morning, I asked the kids what one “fruit” they thought they could focus on that day and how they could apply it at school. After the kids answered I told them that I wanted to focus on JOY. I thought that I could be a lot more joyful around the house at times - especially at night…while putting the kids to bed…brushing teeth…cleaning up after everyone…you get the idea. I think the kids heartily agreed.

Tuesday morning, I decide to revisit the topic and ask them how they did with their task the previous day. I admitted that I did a lousy job the day before at being joyful all day long and I was going to try it again for a second day in a row. I told them that if they found me lacking in joy to let me know…not really expecting them to remember the conversation at all.

You know where this is headed…

Not 10 hours after that breakfast conversation, I am at the end of my rope with Amanda and her 20 month old antics. Why do children need to explore the world around them? Why must Amanda dump every box of crayons and markers on the floor just to hear the sound? Why does standing on the kitchen table seem like more fun than just standing on the floor? As I chase her off of yet another chair and rescue an open marker from her hand, grumbling under my breath, Samantha stops me in my tracks. She looks at me and simply says, “Joy, mom.”

I had a fleeting moment of “can I throw my firstborn out the window right about now?” But instead, I simply looked at Samantha and smiled… realizing that she was right. I have been letting these little things get in the way of joy. It’s a process and I’m learning… and I’ll give joy another try tomorrow.

The Squirrel - Part 2

For the complete story, read The Squirrel - Part 1

(Cue the music and wavy flashback lines on the screen here)

...So I'm in the car creeping toward the garage, looking earnestly for the little measly squirrel to come flying out. (For the record, we have a two-car garage and only one of the two doors was open... that is kinda' important to know for the rest of the story.) My only fear is that it will sneak out without my knowing and not knowing where the creepy thing is can be worse than knowing sometimes... if you know what I mean. I'm creeping, creeping... when suddenly, I hear a thunk.

Now, there is no way I'm getting out of the car to check things out. So I'm sitting there looking... and I hear it again, "THUNK". Out of the corner of my eye, I catch that squirrel throwing himself against the window of the other garage door trying to get out. EWWWW!!! Gross!!! Pathetic, really.

Again, with the flair of experienced motherhood, and no knowledge of anything better to do, I just lay on the horn and pray with white knuckles the thing doesn't come crashing through the window.

Thankfully, no, he scurried out of the garage and into the backyard. Stupid squirrel. Again, my heart pounding, and my disdain for squirrels growing, I push the button on the garage door opener to close it up and make it secure. And I say a quick prayer that there is no nest building going on in there!

As I backed the car out of the driveway and drove away, I began to think about how sometimes, we are just as dumb as that squirrel.

We get ourselves into situations we KNOW we shouldn't be in. Maybe we just wander in accidentally. Maybe we are more intentional about it. Maybe we're lured into things that don't seem "bad" at the outset. Once we're there, though, we're stuck. And getting out can be tricky. So we throw ourselves against the window and get hurt in the process. I'm sure that squirrel didn't know what was going to happen when he went into my garage. He probably didn't like feeling trapped, but most likely he would do it again in a heartbeat if he thought there was something in it for him (but he better watch out because next time I'm gonna' have a BB gun!)

So today, don't be like the squirrel. Don't wander into situations, places, or conversations that you have no business being in. Avoid the gossip. Steer clear of the negativity. Don't put yourself in a place where you will end up hurt or you could hurt others. Proverbs 16:25 says "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death."  And isn't that the truth? I can't say that the Bible applies to squirrels but let me tell you, if I catch that critter in my garage again, he is not long for this world.

Job Evaluation

No, sorry! This isn't part 2 of my squirrel story but have no fear, I will finish it soon and post the end of the story!!!

These are my thoughts today: Being a mom is an... interesting job at times. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by the mix of emotions in a day.

It's been a busy few days here. Paul's birthday was yesterday but we couldn't have a special birthday dinner because he had to go to a class and we had stuff to do at church so we are doing his birthday dinner tonight. I'm in the middle of doing 4 loads of laundry (none of which are folded). I have to get a nice meal prepared by 5:15 when Paul's mom is coming over for dinner. The birthday cake is made but I have to make the frosting, frost the cake, and throw on some type of sprinkles or something. The house could use tidying. I have to get the kids from school and get their homework done (which is a challenge unto itself!).

Funny thing, though, it's 2:21 and I'm sitting here writing...not getting any of my "to do" list done!

Not only that, but instead of doing my "list", after lunch, I put on some fun kids music and danced around the living room with the girls and listened to them giggle and watched them dance instead of doing work. Could life get any better than being a human tunnel for your kids to crawl under?

It was perfect until it was time for me to put the girls down for a nap. It was only then that I realized Jessica's blankie was in the washing machine NOT DRY! I tried to talk her into bed without it. Offered her Michael's blankie, stuffed animals, etc... I thought she would be fine. But no. She BAWLED her eyes out because she didn't have her blankie. I have never prayed so hard for the dryer to go into overdrive.

I sat there listening to her cry and wondering what my job review would look like if she were my boss. In that moment, I think I would have been fired! As a mother, do you not know that the blankie is ALWAYS the number one priority?! When I was working, that kind of gross negligence would not have been tolerated, that's for sure!

And as I ran to the dryer to see if the blankie was dry enough do the trick (it was!) I reflected on how thankful I am that Jess is not my boss. Jesus is. He sees the bigger picture of what I do each day. He knows the things that I just couldn't get to in a day and He loves me no matter what. I'm not perfect and He's okay with that. He saw the few minutes Jess and I spent cracking eggs for the birthday cake and the tickle time with Amanda and He is pleased. The laundry may not get done today but there's a bigger picture.

And there's a bigger picture for you, too. No matter what your day looks like, how much of a failure you may feel like or how tired life has made you, know that you are loved more than you can imagine. Isaiah 40:31 says "but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Rest today, knowing that God sees it all and he will carry you through.

The Squirrel - Part 1

Squirrels can creep me out sometimes. I think they're pretty harmless but they can scare the bejeebers out me.

Last spring, I went into the garage with my two little girls - Jess who was two at the time and Amanda who was probably about 14 months. We were getting the stroller out for a walk. At some point between my opening the garage with the garage door opener and our getting out to the garage itself, a squirrel, unbeknownst to us, found its way... you guessed it... into the garage.

So here I am... one baby on my hip and one walking a few feet ahead of me... We are at least 5 steps in when I see a squirrel looking us in the eye. Jess is a few feet away and I am frozen with fear. Do I make a dash for Jess and risk the three of us being terrorized ? Do I run out with the baby and at least save two of us (sorry, Jess!)? Do I run at the squirrel and make the ultimate sacrifice?

As the ideal role model mother, I kinda' started screaming and doing a lot of nothing. The squirrel started darting all over the place and my heart was going a million miles a minute as I envisioned this little weasel jumping on my Jess' head!

I don't know exactly how it all happened but in a matter of about 5 seconds the squirrel dashed out of the garage and I was left with two crying babies and a heart that wanted to leap out of my chest.

Fast forward to yesterday. The kids had been playing out side and so, of course, the garage door is once again open. I'm on my way to the car when I see a measly squirrel (probably the same nutcase from last year!) wander in. Knowing that I can't leave the squirrel in there, I wonder what to do. (Why didn't I call Paul out to take care of this?)

I hesitated a second as the scene from the spring flashed through my mind. Knowing better than to walk willingly into the garage, I hopped in the car and decided that if I drove TOWARD the garage, maybe the squirrel would get scared and run out.  The car begins creeping toward the garage and I'm looking like a madwoman for signs of life in the garage to emerge and depart...

Hmmm. I think this story is getting too long. Stay tuned and check out my next blog for the rest of the story!

I Want Your Money

I'm pretty good at making flyers and newsletters and creative pieces like that. Maybe you've seen some of my work. I take a bit of pride in it. Most of my hours of effort are are given to the moms group at church or the PTO (PTA) at my kids school. Reading this, I really look like the  bake sale SAHM that I am. Sometimes, that feels like nails on a chalkboard getting under my skin but that's a topic for another discussion.

For the last few days, I've been working on a flyer for PTO. Writing it and rewriting it trying to make it compelling. I'm trying to create a flyer to be sent home with all of the kids in the school. The flyer is supposed to encourage parents to come to open house and join PTO. I'm excited about PTO this year because in addition to making flyers and newsletters, I recently added to my resume that I make bumper stickers too!  I created a bumper sticker so that when parents join PTO they are given a "thank you" gift of a free bumper sticker promoting the school. I'm pretty proud of the bumper sticker.

At one point the flyer explained what PTO is and why you should join. Another version appealed to the "get to know the other parents" aspect. Then it was a big promotion for the "free" bumper sticker (which Paul informed me wasn't really free if they were paying to join PTO). Nothing is really working for me.

What I really want to say on this flyer is quite simple:
"People, I want your money. I want your $5. I don't care if you ever come to a meeting or help out with an event. I just want you to give me your money and if you decide to really get involved and help out, that's a bonus. Oh, and by the way, here's your bumper sticker."

You know, that doesn't sound so bad! I think I'll go with it.

Anonymity

I'm having a really hard time with this blog thing. Pathetic, I know. I have one original post and one non-original post and nothing more. But hey, I never promised roses and sunshine.

 So here's my problem. I'm sure you have struggled with it too...  There are quite a few things I wante to blog about but don't quite know how. Ok. I'll be honest. There are quite a few PEOPLE I want to blog about but want to protect people's identity. OK full disclosure: there are quite a few PEOPLE I want to blog about but I don't want them to read this blog and get upset with me. Since I only have 8 people following this blog, then yes, I am probably talking about you.

So what do I do? If I want to tell a story about a conversation with you, do I need to get your permission every time? Do I only need to do it if I'm going to incriminate you in some way? What if I just want to praise you highly? Can I do that without your permission?

I know some of you use secret identities but... that's still too obvious. If I rename my sister Becca and talk about my sister "Gonzo" you're still going to know exactly who I'm talking about.

So... help me out. What are the rules of ettiquette?

Wow. Cute Stuff

So this is my 2nd blog entry and my first lame cop-out blog. But I had to share these pictures! Go to this lady's blog and check out these baby pictures. Someone must have a LOT of time on their hands but the pics are SO CUTE. Take a scroll through. There is sure to be one that will make you smile!

Mila's Daydreams



And... I have had someone (SB) comment that I need to post something new so I'll try to get to writing something original before the end of the weekend.

Enjoy for now!

Why on earth?

So, why on earth am I doing this? I guess it's a way to think through my day... my life... and blogs are so five minutes ago so it's about time I start mine.

Why on earth "Greenlizard". Well, a long time ago I needed a screen name for something. YEARS ago. I can't even recall what I needed it for but I needed one and Greenlizard was available. And it has stuck... and it reappears every now and again. Like here. On this blog.

A bit about me and my new blog: I am married with 4 kids. I stay at home and usually enjoy it. I am very down-to-earth and fairly laid back. I have friends that have entire blogs dedicated to nutrition...or eating organic...or cloth diapering...or natural childbirth...or homeschooling...or public schooling...or you get the idea. My blog won't be anything like that. I think those things are all great but I just can't get that excited about any particular topic. Actually, I'm not really an expert in any of those things so I simply have nothing to say. I think this will be the ramblings of a fairly uninformed person who likes to talk to herself.

To clear things up, I will blog about my kids a lot. If you're not into kids, you probably won't like my blog. Not to say that they will ALL be about my kids but they make for funny moments and great stories... and if God is going to teach me anything, it will likely be through them. Well, he probably teaches me more through my husband and I'm sure there will be some stuff about him on here too.

If you have any suggestions for me related to content or blog design or missing info, please let me know. I'm a newbie at this and if you follow this blog at all, you probably do this a lot more than I do! So... hello blog world... I'm only five minutes late.